‘NO’ is a guilt-free word.
Refusing to follow the most common rules that have been prevailing for long does not make you a rebel. Not following any of those rituals, rules and other practices which do not add any value to our lives and are just a mere show-off is absolutely justifiable. Self-shaming should not come in our way when we refuse to delve into a lifestyle that others expect us to follow. The not-so-subtle art of saying ‘No’ is a practice that we all must follow and learn to execute when required. This doesn’t mean that we say no to everyone and everything basis our interests but, one needs to learn to prioritize his/her own life. Only you can prioritize your life. No one else is going to do that for you. Saying yes to every request or agreeing to follow every instruction given to us just to fit ourselves in a category of a people pleaser is equivalent to saying ‘no’ to your own needs and priorities. Ignoring your own choices just to get a badge of a crowd-pleaser will do no good in the long run.
Saying ‘no’ out of a genuine reason is far better than a fake ‘yes’.
The art of saying ‘no’ is not a common human trait. A lot of us feel hesitant while doing so. Sometimes, an effort to live life on your terms might be seen as a display of outlandish behavior by people. So we need to understand this first, that most people act out of their own interest and I see nothing wrong in that. We all have the right to check that our own needs are met first. All of us need to make sure that our priorities in life should not be overshadowed by some else taking decisions for us. Practice the art of saying ‘no’ whenever it is appropriate. What happens when we say ‘yes to everyone every time? Each time we agree to act upon something against our wish leads to frustration very soon. A constant feeling of dissatisfaction, uneasiness, anger, and confusion prevails upon us because we give less attention to our own needs and choices. Yes, I agree that being likable by others is something that we are all drawn towards. Nobody wants to be in anyone’s bad books because we do not want to spoil our relationship with others. Having an appreciation from someone when you act according to them boosts our confidence and makes us feel good. And these are the reasons that compel us to say ‘yes’ even when we are sure that it is not the right thing to do. But, one must know when to draw a line before we let anyone take control over our time, choices, and decisions in life.
A refusal does not always need to be accompanied by harsh words. A humble way to say no to someone backed up by a genuine reason is something that will avoid offensiveness on a part of a requestor. It also gives us the confidence to put our point forward without any hesitation. There is nothing wrong with being straightforward. The free flow of ideas follows when you give more attention to your own feelings. There is no way you can compensate for the time lost. Time lost in giving more importance to what others think of you, how others might treat you if you act against their wish, will eventually cause you more harm. More harm in the sense of wasting your own time on irrelevant thoughts, which will not fetch any output. We may lose an opportunity if we keep worrying about the consequences of going ahead with our own choices.
‘No’ – A guilt-free word.
A rude expression coming from a person to whom we say ‘no’ should not let you fall into a pit of guilt. It is common for anyone to react in such a way when things do not go ahead as per the wish. Do not change your decisions based on temporary reactions which you might get while following your own course. A genuine and sincere explanation as to why you cannot agree to what you have been asked to do will eventually help both parties to have a clear understanding of the situation. This will not ruin your relationships with others or make you look like a selfish person. As I had mentioned above that everyone acts out of their own interest, so there is nothing wrong with following your heart. It is worth the effort. Slowly people will understand and place a greater value on your time. They will have more respect for your time and see you as a leader. A quote which says ”it is important to make someone happy, and it is important to start with yourself” says it all. By doing so you will get more time to pursue your actions without any guilt and eventually have a feeling of content in life.
I would like to end here with a quote ” A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble”- M.Gandhi
Stay connected,
Nikita Kohli